The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Friday, April 22, 2005

Weekend Open Thread..

I'm going to try this for the first time. Just throw something out there or talk about the pope or John Bolton's terrible hairpiece or anything.

A couple of things that I've read:

Is Wal-Mart evil or do you just feel dirty shopping there? There's actually a story on a Wal-Mart watch group. [Business Week]. I can't lie. I love Target a lot more but I did log a rather pleasant Wal-Mart experience not to long ago [link]

We're remembering the 10-year anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing [Chicago Tribune] and the one-year anniversary of the death of Pat Tillman [ESPN].

Has anyone eaten Wendy's chili since hearing about the infamous "finger" experience? And what about now, that the accuser was actually the one behind the fun. [Bloomberg]

Senator says NO to free weather? Doesn't he have ANYTHING else better to do? [Palm Beach Post]

What are the odds of Bennifer II working out? And why would Jennifer Garner put her career in jeopardy? [Miami Herald]

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Enter The Caption Contest (#6)


Kirstie Alley, Ann Coulter and Matt Drudge walk into a bar....

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Pope Under the Microscope...


Now comes the fun part Benedict

I love Catholics, I've dated a few, I like the religion, I love that little confession thing, it's like free therapy -- Come tell me all your sins and I'll shut up and listen. I'm not a Catholic, never desired to be one and frankly my application wouldn't stick.

The new pope was announced yesterday. It's Joe Ratzinger or now known as Benedict XVI. He's such a hardline conservative, apparently he makes old Karol look like Mario Cuomo. He's also European, which means that Latin America -- the area with the highest concentration of Catholics -- gets stiffed again.

So in the interest of fairness, I scowled the wire looking for the goods on Cardinal Joe and here's what I found:

He's greatly popular in the Midwest U.S. -- This bishop in Witchita seems to really like him [KC Star] and the Chicagoans are in mass hysteria (get it?...mass? I kill me) [Sun-Times]
"Some give him the reputation of being a hard-nosed German. I found him to be a gentle, almost grandfatherly type of a figure -- very soft-spoken with a warm smile,'' said Auxiliary Bishop John R. Manz.

But Not in Latin America -- His tough rule on the poor will make it difficult for many in that region to keep up with the Roman Catholic doctrine [Swissinfo]

He's Got a Friend in Peta -- No lie. The puppy lovers love their pope [MSNBC].

He's in Denial About Abuse -- His words [AP]:
"In the Church, priests also are sinners. But I am personally convinced that the constant presence in the press of the sins of Catholic priests, especially in the United States, is a planned campaign, as the percentage of these offenses among priests is not higher than in other
categories, and perhaps it is even lower."

China Apparently Thinks He's a Pussy -- From the International Herald Tribune [link]:
China wasted little time before warning the new pope, Benedict XVI, on Wednesday that the Vatican and China could establish formal relations only if the Vatican dissolved its diplomatic links with Taiwan and promised not to "interfere in China's internal affairs."

Something tells me Joe's not gonna go out like that.

He Hates Gays, Gays Pray for Him -- His words [SF Chronicle]:
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger -- the new Pope Benedict XVI -- issued a letter to the bishops on the "pastoral care of homosexual persons." The letter described gays as "intrinsically disordered" and homosexuality as a "tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil."

Their words:
"While I have grave concerns about it based on what he's written in the last 20 years, we're still going to keep praying to the Holy Spirit that his heart and mind will be opened," said gay Catholic Paul Riofski, 47, of Antioch. "We'll continue to pray for the Holy Spirit to grant him enlightenment about who we are."

He's Near Death -- At least according to his brother George...Is it a legitimate concern or just plain jealousy? [CNN]

Oh yeah, He Used to be a Nazi -- Some Isreali Jews are willing to accept his 'mea culpa' [AP] Others aren't so quick to forgive [More AP]

My main concern is that he looks way too much like this man.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

If the Smoke is White...

The Pope must be aiiiii-ght! [CNN]

Any chances of this one being under 70??

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Monday, April 18, 2005

Time Magazine Dips Into Fiction


No need to blame the liberals Annie, there's no camera angle that can hide 100 pounds of ugly.

I would do an enter the caption contest but it's not fair. So I just ask that all comments be kept to an 'R' rating.

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Weekend Update...

Rather then ignore what's been happening, here's a one-stop catch up...

-- I really have sympathy for this poor sap. And personally ever since falling victim to his gambit, I've wanted to whack Garry Kasparov over the head with a chessboard myself. [Newsday]

"It was a fairly nasty incident, it was not very pleasant psychologically," Kasparov told the private NTV television Saturday.

As if the "Checkmate in 5" is anymore pleasant. Imagine how much that must crush someone's spirit -- in five moves you're completely fucked. Not cool.

Anyway, Kasparov has left the wild and crazy world of chess to go into something much safer, politics.

Apparently he hates Putin and is a liberal and stuff. Guaranteed he's still boring compared to Bobby Fischer. Fischer is a damn fool and he hates EVERYTHING. Needless to say the retired chess master's title is being fought over by a couple of juveniles [NYT]. Hopefully their parents have them interested in something else besides chess. Girls...legos..anything..

-- Last week Prince Charles married Smarty Jones. This week we've found out that she apparently owns one outfit [Times of India]. Cornwall must be thrilled.

-- Staying in the royal family of misfits, it's been confirmed: Prince Harry is an idiot. Okay maybe he's not a total idiot but he did fail a computer assessment test [CNN International]. On second thought, he's an idiot.

Even worse he's so NOT his brother William. Does anyone else see a potential serious sibling rivalry brewing here? This could be worse than the Gallagher brothers in Oasis. I'm convinced Harry is going to join the Sith or something.

-- Student to Justice Scalia: "Do you sodomize your wife?" [Page Six]

-- Kyle Rausch's political career is over all due to a bake sale [MLive]. The aspiring Republican was trying to send a message by selling cupcakes at the price of $2 for white males, 75 cents for blacks and white women, 50 cents for Asians and Hispanics and 5 cents for Native Americans.

Now you know what I'm thinking...75 cents for a damn cupcake! Fucking Republicans are always jacking up the prices.

-- In case you forgot, Ted Nugent is crazy [AP]

"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em!" he screamed to applause. "To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

Yes yes, God Bless America! That's a guy who I want to have possession of an assault weapon. Finally Tom DeLay found a group of people that appreciate where he's coming from. No word on whether the delay (no pun intended) before his NRA keynote address was caused because his wife didn't receive her appearance fee.

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