The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Friday, May 06, 2005

Weekend Open Thread

Everything that my peeps are talking about this week.

Kerry Says "No" to Gay Marriage?!: Odd but apparently true or at least that's what the hometown paper says [Boston Globe].

"I think it's a mistake," Kerry said. "I think it's the wrong thing, and I'm not sure it reflects the broad view of the Democratic Party in our state."

Interesting and of course this opinion doesn't totally surprise me. Kerry still tends to believe the pundits who think that the gay-marriage issue lost the presidency for him. Personally I feel like it was because Bush called him a coward, traitor, flip-flopper, metrosexual, pussy and a dozen other names and Kerry never stood up to say, "Hey fuck you". You also could've had a better stance on Iraq than "I voted for it, then I voted against it".

Meanwhile, the Republican who plays both sides of the coin better than my editor, John McCain thinks Kerry is strictly doing this to kick start his campaign for 2008 [Boston Herald].

"It's pretty obvious, the way he's acting, he'd like to try it again,'' the Arizona Republican said of a 2008 Kerry bid. "I'd advise him to be the best senator he could be and put those ambitions aside for a while.'' McCain said he "absolutely'' wants to be president himself but will focus on the Senate and "wait a couple years'' to decide on a 2008 run.


Sometimes I wish I could advise John McCain to just STFU. Go to a Nationals game or are you a fan of the Diamondbacks this week. Or clean up boxing. Please.

And Kerry needs to not make gay marriage any more of an issue than it is. Even if he comes out against it those people still aren't voting for him.


Bush Celebrates Cinco de Mayo on May 4: Oh come on. The guy can't even pronounce nuclear, I didn't expect him to get this right. I'm shocked he didn't celebrate it in March [CNN].

"I always look forward to Cinco de Mayo especially because it gives me a chance to practice my Spanish," he said. "My only problem this year is I scheduled the dinner on cuatro de Mayo. Next year, I'm going to have to work on my math."

Not a bad idea, maybe then he'll realize why his plan for social security isn't winning public support.


Lunatic Reverend Dumps Non-Republicans: Claims the word of God tells him that if you don't support Bush than get out of his congregation. [News-Observer]

Yeah, I bet Jesus is real proud.


Jacko Trail -- Moms Says They Trust Him: Even with their own kids in his bed. Wow. Not sure where to start with this one.
"I've known Michael for a long time. I've spent many hours talking to him about everything. I feel like he's a member of my family. I trust him. I trust him with my children," said Joy Robson, whose 22-year-old son, Wade, testified earlier that he was never molested by Jackson.


And yes that's the same Wade Robson who was the douche bag choreographer to the boy bands back when those things were popular. She goes ever further.
"My impression of (the mother) is she wanted to be mistress of Neverland," she said. "She would order the staff around like she owned it. My impression of (her) is she was a gold-digger."

Meow. This case gets stranger and stranger by the day. If we thought we knew Michael was fucked up, we had no idea.


NY Post Screws Up Online Registration: And cheers rein down from the gossip community. The Post's bitter rivals the New York Daily News decided to devote a story mocking their cross-town nemesis with the Lowdown [Link].
But shortly before 5 p.m. - after Lowdown phoned Post execs Lachlan Murdoch and Col Allan to inquire about catastrophic glitches in their intrusive registration process - the execs backed down and abruptly removed the requirement.

Thus the vaunted new regime - or just "an opportunity to better serve our readers," as a Post exec had madly spun it last week - was taken out and shot.


But the Post isn't done yet. Saying that this dog wasn't taken out and shot but rather put through obidence school [E&P].

"We anticipated this week's issues as much as possible," she told E&P on behalf of the paper. "We have 2.8 million unique users and some 90 million page views a month, many of whom tried to register on that first day. Despite initial glitches, which we addressed and resolved with additional resources, the registration process continues, as do our users' visits to the Web site.

Nice to see that 15 years after I left NYC, those Post-Daily News wars continue as strong as ever.


Casino Pays 5G from Britney's Urine: This is crazy. Apparently a Canadian radio station got a hold of Britney's urine dipstick for her pregnancy test and sold it to Golden Palace online casino for $5,001. [Celebrity Justice]

The casino confirms it.

"As an online casino, we can't advertise on television. The FCC has regulations against that," [Palace spokesman Monty] Kerr said. "So what we have to do is we
have to make news."


I wonder if Britney is going to ask for a cut of the proceeds. Diapers are expensive these days.

Have a good weekend kids and keep and eye on my neighbor [Link].


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Chappelle...

I had to admit I was a little worried when the broadcast of his third season was pushed back in February because the word was getting out that David Chappelle was feeling the pressure of his $50M deal he signed with Viacom.

Chappelle is one of those comedians who makes jokes to make money, now he was being asked to make jokes to justify making money. It's a far different process and one that a comedian who doesn't really enjoy the big time (he actually lives in suburban Ohio still) wouldn't enjoy.

He was very much on edge during his most recent stand-up tour. He threatened to walk off stage many times when the audience would say "WHAT" or "I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!". Little things like that let me know that he wasn't comfortable with his current success. Possibly he felt like it was too much too soon.

Nonetheless, after this most recent shut down of Chappelle's Show, I'm concerned for the guy. I'm thinking of what happened to Chris Farley and John Belushi and wondering if he's fallen into that trap. Thankfully this New York Times article seems to tell him its just a case of tremendous burnout [Link].

Unfortunately, I also read Defamer [Link] and this rumor sheet at Loosie [Link]. Do I believe them? Not exactly. But I'm worried and I'm hopeful that whatever it is, Chappelle gets better and gets back on track. Because...it's supposed to be a celebration bitches!!

And in more positive news. I think someone has gotten sick of me having all the fun [Link].

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Unforgettable Moment


Four Dead in Ohio. Kent State, 35 years ago this week.

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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Afternoon Delight...

More Fun With College Speakers: Remember when Bill Kristol got pie in the face? And that time when Judge Scalia was asked if he sodomizes his wife? Well Ann Coulter, who's certainly dealt with her share of hecklers in the past, hit the jackpot last night -- anal sex. [DR]
Coulter said she supported the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman on the basis that a good woman civilizes and inspires a man to strive for something better, leading to a question that was met with a stunned silence.

"You say that you believe in the sanctity of marriage," said Ajai Raj, an English sophomore. "What do you think about the conservative men where all they do with their wives is fuck them of the ass?"

UT Police officers approached Raj to arrest him, resulting in a mass exodus of protesters chanting, "Let him go."

You just can't put a price on hilarity when Coulter is confronted with ass-fucking inquiries. More proof that Coulter is happy to give, but scared to receive.

An alternate report here [The Smoking Gun]

Colin Farrell Has Lost his Mind: I think...Usually the drunken Irish actor is going after the barely legals. Most recently he went after the barely living. [Sky]

Gas Prices to Drop: No doubt. I went from paying $2.47/gallon to $2.45 thanks to the President molesting the Prince. [Star-Tribune]

First Lady of Comedy: A lot of people weren't really feeling Laura Bush's stand up act at the WH Correspondents dinner. Some think that horse masturbation jokes are above the first lady. John Tierney, who is William Safire's replacement at the New York Times, sort of dug it, saying that people who know the first lady know that she isn't a close-minded dolt [NYT].

However, none of those people mentioned what they thought of the guy she married. After all he did try to milk a bull.

Others suggest, since the event was televised on C-SPAN, that people should file an FCC complaint against the first lady. [Link]

Of course I'm reminded that no one really watches C-SPAN.

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Newspapers = Dying Art

Numbers from Gawker:

Total daily newspaper circulation, 2005: 47,374,033
Total daily newspaper circulation, 2001: 55,578,046
Decrease in daily newspaper circ in four years: 15%

Total Sunday newspaper circulation, 2005: 51,073,104
Total Sunday newspaper circulation, 2001: 59,090,364
Decrease in Sunday newspaper circ in four years: 14%

Total number of newspaper jobs, 2005: 54,134
Total number of newspaper jobs, 2001: 56,393
Decrease in newspaper jobs in four years: 5%

Being a newspaper guy this is disheartening, especially considering the interest people have in the news.

Now I'm wondering. Why the decline and what could the papers be doing better?

Personally I think the days of the morning paper are over and many papers would be more effective with both morning papers and evening print updates (Probably just World News and State/Local) to keep up with the daily things happening at the White House and in Iraq.

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Man or Mouse?

Despite being jilted and lied to about some elaborate kidnapping scheme, former groom-to-be John Mason still wants to be the toast of Duluth, Ga. and marry his "fiancee" Jennifer Wilbanks. [CNN]
According to The Associated Press, Mason told a Fox TV interviewer he had given Wilbanks back the engagement ring she left at the house before she disappeared for four days.

"My commitment before God to her was the day I bought that ring and put it on her finger, and I'm not backing down from that," Mason told Fox.

Ok, so Mason definitely has the whole integrity thing down but let's be real. Why would he even want to bother? It's obvious there's a serious communication breakdown if the girl couldn't even explain her cold feet. And it's obvious that she isn't ready for such a commitment if she's getting on the first bus to Albuquerque.

Personally I'm not big on marriage to begin win. Never really understood why a married couple is so much more committed than a long-term manogomous couple, so I don't understand the need to keep a commitment that one half of the marrying party doesn't seem interested in.

Given all that, I say he should dump her. I'm sure there are 4....5 more single chicks in Duluth, if not he'll have to drive thru the traffic light and head to the neighboring town.

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Monday, May 02, 2005

Florida Law Gets Tough...

...on sex offenders [Reuters]. Thankfully it only took TWO deaths in the past 60 days to decide that the current method wasn't working.

It's just funny if you try documenting the time spend putting legislature together for Lunsford as compared to the time wasted on Terri Schiavo.

And hopefully this will keep cops after the real criminals rather than trying to intimidate 5-year-old girls that school administrators don't seem to be able to out smart. In case you don't know about that one, here's a link [AP]. Great use of resources.

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Kentucky Town Pissed at A&E

This is pretty good.

Apparently residents in the Kentucky town of Pikeville aren't real big fans of A&E's City Confidential show and they want an apology from the network. [AP]
"You start the piece by showing a rebel flag on Julius Avenue, an overweight man without a shirt smoking a cigarette and an old pickup with a few women in the back," City Manager Donovan Blackburn said. "As I am sure you would agree, you can go to almost any city in America and find the same."

Hmmm, yeah, old pickups with a FEW women in the back is a regular occurence everywhere. If walking barefoot to the Piggly Wiggly isn't hillbilly I don't know what is.

The show actually revolves around a mysterious group of teenagers who raised hell in the mid 90s. And anyone who's seen City Confidential knows what the show is. Not sure exactly why Pikeville thought it was going to be Hee-Haw 2K5.

And if Pikeville wants positive representation of their town on television, they should probably call The Food Network next time.

Jerry Brewer, I'm calling you out! Defend your sorry state! :)

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