The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004

A Peak Performer.

This post is for the men (women look away).

I have a good relationship with most of my ex'es. My rule on past relationships is simple -- if you haven't tried to coax me into marriage, we can stay friends.

Now in general there's a disturbing trend with my ex'es. We date, we break up, I see them a few weeks/months/years later and they look twice as good as they did when we were together. It kills me. I call it the "Amanda factor."

Now Amanda wasn't my ex (actually I HAVE dated two girls named Amanda but neither of them are who I'm referring too). My friend Johnny dated Amanda for most of my junior and senior year of high school. Johnny was my neighbor and he was about three years removed from high school when I was there.

Well Amanda was nice, real good-looking girl. Nice figure, nice smile, nice personality. Always looked good. Well about a year after graduation, Johnny and Amanda broke up (about August of 1995) and for six months after their breakup Amanda was easily the hottest chick I knew. She was already good-looking, but the post-breakup Amanda was in a whole other world. I'll never forget I'm out bowling with some friends and she walks up to say hi and give me a hug before heading out. I had 10-12 guys randomly walk up to me and ask for her name, number, etc. etc.

So I created the "Amanda factor" as a scale of hot ex-girlfriends. Now about three weeks ago I saw Christy, a girl I used to see from time-to-time (known as "The Deputy" to some of the eyes that read this) and to my disappointment Christy was a solid 8 on the "Amanda factor" scale. She dyed her hair back to her natural color (she was a blonde and then a jet black when she was with me) and she looked terrific. Just more reason to be dismayed.

As men, we want to brag about dating women at their peak. It's like a badge of honor. I'm the master at catching them about 12 months before the peak. The pre-peak and usually about three months before they hit a peak, they get rid of me. To this date Johnny (who often caught women at their peak before he got old and had to get married) is still burned by not dating Amanda while she hit her peak (and believe the post-peak Amanda wasn't a pretty sight).

Anyway, I'm paying my utility bill today and I noticed the bills receivable cashier looked familiar. I wasn't sure so I didn't ask. But the hair, the face, the voice...I had a feeling. Luckily on the Lakeland Electric bill receipts they have the cashier's first initial and three letters of their last name (for example mine would be 'clon').

So I race out and see the 'swel'....Wow it's Shanya...Oooo time hasn't been kind to her. I remember dating her near the end of my senior year. We actually made out in church before (god forgive me). Anyway, this wasn't MY Shanya, MY Shanya was...cuter...WAY cuter...

And then I remember seeing her in 1995 and she wasn't as cute then as she was when we were dating. Now she's not even close to either the 1994 or 1995 version.

So in the middle of this grey, rainy Monday, I cracked a huge smile. And why shouldn't I? I finally caught one at her peak.

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I take the news
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Playing More Catch Up

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