The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Friday, April 02, 2004

It's Time...Time to Make a Change

I'm tired of the news, it's sad and depressing. Why can't I just talk about the things I want to talk about like the NBA Playoffs, the racism on American Idol and why the media hates Air America Radio.

So that's it. This is MY blog and it's going to be done my way. You just wait, there will be new links, more links, more cool shit for me to enjoy. Just keep watching this space.

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Job Number Grows...So Does Unemployment.

While short of the 3 million jobs promised, the Bush administration got good news today as American companies have opened 308,000 new jobs, the largest increase of jobs since 2001. However, unemployment rose from 5.6 to 5.7, leaving the odd results.

While it would seem odd that the unemployment rate rose despite strong job growth, the two numbers are generated by separate surveys. The unemployment rate comes from a survey of households, which found that 179,000 people entered the labor force in March without a matching rise in employment, resulting in a higher unemployment rate. This news obviously frustrated the Bush camp..

"It's obvious the jobs are there, I just wish the Americans would take them," said a member of the administration. "They are making us look bad!"


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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Auditors to Trump: You're Broke!

NEW YORK - Casino mogul Donald Trump may have the final word with his television apprentices, but his auditors say Trump's casino company will be in deep trouble without a cash infusion -- which would leave him with a minority holding in the company.

Trump, a self-promoting dealmaker, stars on the hit reality television show "The Apprentice," in which he comes across as the consummate executive whose trademark line is "You're fired."

In Trump's new show entitled "The Financially Strapped" we'll see Trump going from bank-to-bank looking for investors in which he'll be looking to avoid the trademark line of "You're Denied!"

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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

P Diddy Joins XBox..

Forget the East Coast-West Coast rap war. These days hip-hop artists are going into the video game console rank and Microsoft earned their first big signing when they convinced Sean "P Diddy" Combs to join their XBox brand.

"I love playing Xbox games and believe that the system's cultural influence as a social entertainment brand has only just begun," Combs says in promotional materials. "The XBox system is the official gaming system of Bad Boy Entertainment. Take that take that take that."

Combs is planning a remix of that message in the fall of 2004.

Microsoft is looking to break into the hip hop ranks that Sony's Playstation 2 has a hold of. Most hip hop artists keep a Sony game console in their "whips" or "pimped up ride". One of Sony's main endorsers is popular hip hop socialite Snoop Dogg.

"Well you know when a nizzle needs to get his vizzle on the tizzle there's nothing I fizzle more than Sony's PStizzle. Fo' shizzle. Know what I'm saying."



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Cops Intrude On "Romantic" Moment..

Why o Why did 31-year old corrections officer Travis McConchie try to escape Florida Highway Patrol after he was busted for going 73 in a 45mph zone. Well it wasn't for the speeding. And believe it or not it wasn't because he was driving while intoxicated (twice the legal limit). And surprisingly it wasn't do to the pot in the car (also quite illegal).

No No No, as McConchie explained it, he tried to escape because his girlfriend "was naked, sitting on top of him and her tits were in his face." How sweet.

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Monday, March 29, 2004

Kerry In Perfect Health (With the exception of shoulder surgery and prostate cancer)

ST. LOUIS — Sen. John Kerry, by most measures an unusually fit 60-year-old, has spent key parts of his presidential campaign battling ailments ranging from prostate cancer to a stubborn cough and cold.

Kerry frequently complains to reporters of a stiff right shoulder or allergies that leave his voice raspy and throat sore. For much of this year, Kerry has curtailed speaking and sipped lemon tea to nurse a voice strained by hacking and yakking. In mid-February, he described the ailment to reporters as a "chest thing" and griped about its persistence.

"Kerry is the most athletic, most vigorous guy in the race," said David Wade, his spokesman. "He bounced back from surgery last year way faster than most, he windsurfs, mountain climbs, skis and snowboards; in great shape — not exactly the kind of guy whose health is a question mark.

"However, he's got that should thing and a leg injury from snowboarding last week. Plus you never know when that pesky prostate is going to flare up again. And he's complained a little about losing his vision but we just think it's a temporary thing. He's as healthy as he's ever been."


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Smoking Banned in Irish Pubs, Homicides Expected

DUBLIN, Republic of Ireland -- Ireland's controversial new anti-smoking law has kicked in, delighting health campaigners while promising hefty fines to those who defy the ban.

Irish Health Minister Michael Martin marked the first day of the new law by tucking into a smoke free breakfast at a cafe in Dublin.

Martin said Ireland's high rate of high disease made the law a "no brainer".

"We have to do something extra, go the extra mile, to get that rate down," Martin said.

Martin, however, refuses to do anything about the ridiculous amounts of alcohol drank daily.

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I take the news
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