DAYTON, Tenn. — Rhea County commissioners unanimously voted to ask state lawmakers to introduce legislation amending Tennessee's criminal code so the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature.

"We need to keep them out of here," said Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who introduced the motion that was passed 8-0 amongst the commissioners, most of whom are named "Jed" or "Wilbur".

The state senator who represents Rhea County, Tommy Kilby, D-Wartburg, said Wednesday he hadn't seen the resolution and couldn't comment on it until he did.

The same senator also couldn't comment on legislation that would ban bible-thumping assholes from running for local office in Tennessee.