As if there was any doubt, U.S. Attorney General and privacy rights opponent John Ashcroft is in surgery to have his rotten soul removed. While the White House administration is claiming this to be a gall bladder removal surgery , we here at The Cynics know better.

Watch this space for an update on how well the soul removal surgery went. While its officially not known what was the cause of Ashcroft's failing "gall bladder and pancreas", we'll assume it's the end result of a rash generated when he "wiped his ass with the Bill of Rights" according to Bill Maher.