The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Sunday, February 15, 2004

Kerry Wins Unknown Caucuses

Even single-digit voter turnout wasn't enough to stop the Kerry express as the Massachusetts Senator easily won Caucuses in Nevada and Washington D.C.

A surprised Kerry was awoken from his sleep with the news and released the following statements.

"Umm, yeah...Despite not knowing there were any caucuses tonight, I'm pleased by the results and the message that America needs better leadership in the White House."

Meanwhile, Howard Dean is still stuck at an airport in Wisconsin, the Vermont Senator was hoping to get his Greyhound tour of the state off the ground today, but he's maxed out his American Express card.

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Previously...

Speaking of Affairs, Where's Bill Clinton These Days?

White House Manufactur....errr....Releases Bush's ...

Kerry Gets Clark's Endorsement; Will Answer Affair...

ABC Picks Up Pilots For "No See TV" Night..

Who the Hell Needs Simon When You've Got Mary Jane?

John Kerry: "I'm Not a Player I Just Crush A Lot"

Secret is Out, Hillary IS a Tough Guy

Comcast and Disney: A Deal to Die For...

Veronica Atkins Defends Her Fat-Ass Dead Husband

Breast-less Grammys Draw 26 million Disappointed V...



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