then you better call somebodyyyyyyyyyyyy....

Undecideds...I used to have sympathy for them. I felt bad, they were confused and who wouldn't be in this day and age of politics. A survey from Middle Tennessee State proves the following point further -- most voters are morons or at least most voters in Tennessee are morons.

But back to the undecideds, can't stand them. In Eddie Murphy's RAW the undecideds are known as the "salad-eating bitches". You know when you're on a dinner date and the girl just orders a salad. And not one of those meal salads, but like a tossed salad. Well undecideds are the same way -- they want to eat, they want to choose, but it means committment.

In the latest Zogby poll the race is a statisical tie, 45% to both candidates with 7% undecideds. 7%!!! The election is two weeks away, what the hell are these 7% waiting for? And if you reading is the 7%, what are YOU waiting for?

Let's not kid ourselves, I'm voting for Kerry. Am I crazy about Kerry? Well not in the extent that I was crazy about Clinton, I like Kerry and like is good enough. Well two weeks ago I met two undecided voters face to face at the place where I buy my clothes. Normally I wouldn't bother but these are friends and I live in the super swing state known as Florida.

First there's Christina, my best friend's wife, mother of one and five months pregnant with a second, 28 years old, voted for Clinton in 1996 and Bush in 2000. Registered independent (ugghhh). Education includes some college. Great cook, not that that's important...but she is.

Then there's Cheyenne, unmarried, no kids, first time voter, 19-20 years old. Registered independent, not politically active but wants to vote (my favorites).

Okay, I needed to get two female undecideds to the blue side. So we engaged in a two-hour discussion (I had the time, I was getting my car's oil changed).

One thing you can't do with undecideds is drag them to your side by sheer force, you have to you at things from their perspective. They think both candidates are good in some ways and bad in others so I had to be complimentary of Bush while tearing him down and be critical of Kerry while justifying his positions.

We talked about the War. Both women were undecided on the war. Great, my candidate is undecided on the war. However, Bush is for the war, SO let's try to get them against the war by using an old trick -- quote a conservative who's against the war. In this case we'll used Tucker Carlson, a CNN correspondent, right leaner who is very much against the war in Iraq. Carlson and his show partner, the left-leaning Paul Begala are both described as partisan hacks by Jon Stewart.

I start by saying that I'm against the war and I pull out Carlson's quote right away -- I'm against it because I don't feel like American lives should be sacrificed to guarantee another country's freedom, especially when we aren't aware of what kind of freedom they want. Right away both women agreed. However both women feel like we should stay until it's over. I wanted to get away from foreign policy because I know both women care more about domestic issues.

We talked about abortion, both women are pro-choice, point for me as I explained why Bush ultimately wants to overturn Roe v. Wade (can they do that Corey?? Sure he could with the right participation from Congress and the Court)..

We talked about education, it's a bigger deal to Christina with young kids. So I complimented Bush on the idea of no child left behind...and proceeded to explain why it won't work because he's too concerned with the war to fund it. Once again, your kids are being sacrificed to guaranteed Iraqi freedom (dirty trick, I know)...It got Christina thinking. Another point for me.

Talked about health care. They are against importing drugs from Canada. I couldn't win this one so I pretty much conceded by saying the U.S. health care system needs a major overhaul and both candidates have so much involved in special interest on both sides that little will change. However, if your parents want to retire soon, Canadian drugs are cheaper and they agreed that the cost of medicine is ridiculous.

Talked about stem-cell research. They were unsure, this was the day after Christopher Reeve's death so it was important. Christina wasn't sure about using the embryo, I pointed out that the thing is dead already. I quickly tried to move on.

We went back to education again, back to the war. And it was good conversation. I never intentionally pushed them to Kerry and yesterday when I went to the store, Kerry had picked up two votes he didn't have before.

So we're one step closer to ending this administration thanks to me. I feel good.

Lesson is simple, you find an undecided voter, educate them and be patient.

If they say they are voting for Nader, punch 'em in the mouth.