...lots of good but a lot of question marks. Where do we start? I mean I need to close deals and I need to do it this week. I feel like I'm in an episode of "168" because no one does that much shit in 24 hours. I need to commit to my workouts more than ever. It's never easy. I'm not motivated with my job right now. The woman I love the most would never take my overtures seriously. The Mets can't take 2 of 3 from the Braves for anything. I'm going to have to back out of a Vegas trip I probably need to take.

The good is the best place to start:

I have friends. No I mean I have really got a good circle of friends here in St. Petersburg that I can now talk to on a regular basis and hang out with on weekends. It's a good circle, very electic bunch that have all known each other since grade school and they have accepted me despite my lack of history. That's a good feeling -- to blend in with people who have a long history that doesn't include you -- and it's made my time here in St. Pete much better than I expected.

I did get back on the workout horse. Yep, I'm back in the gym and I'm doing it full-time this time. Basically I'll do about an hour of cardio everyday whether I make it to the gym or not and lift four times a week. I'll probably devote a day to stretching as soon as I learn the proper way to stretch. I also need to buy a bike as well, but I'll wait a while and get some pricing day. Any suggestions on a solid two-wheeler? As for my commitment level, it's high but I'm taking it slowing. First checkpoint will be my friend's wedding over Labor Day weekend.

Ok now the hard part.

Work. I can't describe the funk I'm in with my work. I came into this pre-production period so exciting and it's been drained out of me. I know what the problems are to a certain extent -- I don't feel comfortable with too many elements of the major project. I feel like we've went about this in the wrong way. We're more concerned with putting out a product that impresses us rather than one that the people want. We incorrectly assumed that the people wanted what we were giving and they don't. I'd like for the parties involved to come to a meeting of the minds and rethink these next few weeks but I don't see it happening.

And frankly, I have other interests. Part of me misses the newsroom but more than that I want to go back to working on the authoring projects I've put on the backburner all my life. I'd rather find something that I work 8-5 and get a clean break when I leave the office. This isn't to say that I'd make more money doing other things, I don't know if I would. But I know what I want to do and I know what I'm doing isn't that. It's a hard thing for me to say because I love the project and I love the topic, I just don't like the direction and I don't think I can change it.

Woman. That's not even a subject worth discussing because it's so far away from even a confrontation and confession. It's just stress that will hang over my head for a while and it's something I have to accept.

Right now my goal is just to have a productive Monday and after I'm done with that I'll aim for a productive Tuesday. I don't think that's too much to expect.

Labels: Life