The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006

American Idol Finale: I Must've Been Drugged

For some odd reason I made it a special effort to take in tonight's American Idol finale between Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks. I've only watched one episode this season and a handful of episodes in general, however I can safely say that this season's ratio of talent to hacks was off the charts.

Needless to say, since America isn't very bright they quickly got rid of the best talent on the show (Mandisa) and later dumped MySpace favorite Chris Daughtry. I will say the little I heard of Chris was ok, but certainly nothing worth rioting over.

Anyway the contestants couldn't be much different. McPhee is a California songstress and Hicks is a down home Alabama boy who claims to be soulful (he isn't). McPhee has two noticable advantages: a) She's absolutely gorgeous ; b) Taylor is 45 passing for 29. Also white guys are 0-3 in Idol finals.

They describe Taylor's dancing as infectious. I call it horrible.

Anyway first song is up:

McPhee quickly gave me the McPheever with a cutesy little rendition of "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" and I thought it was a nifty opener because it quickly pointed the obvious difference between the two contestants. McPhee can sing a sexy song, show a little mid-drift and shake her trunk up on some guys.

Taylor tried "Livin' in the City" and was perfectly fine although I think Stevie Wonder songs should be off limits to anyone who isn't Stevie freakin' Wonder. The judges seemed to prefer Taylor, someone should pass Paula another drink.

McPhee continued injecting me with McPheever vibes with a decent version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Much like Stevie Wonder songs, this song is only for Judy Garland. That being said, it was pretty good.

Taylor's crazy ass came back with Levon by Elton John and it was pretty craptacular. Nothing really so say so I'll do my Randy impression -- "Yo dawg...word...aye dog aye...you dawg, you where it's at dawg. That was straight up word...I'm just keeping it real!" and my Paula impression -- "Oh that was just awesome....CAN SOMEONE PUT MORE GIN IN THIS FUCKING DRINK!!"

Final song, the "Idol" songs.

McPhee lost all her good will with me because this song sucked ass and she didn't look as do-able as she did in the other two songs. A total bust performance, no charisma, no electricity, it was dead.

Taylor quickly went into "Don't fuck up mode" and did a little safe number that everyone overreacted to. Simon says he's the winner. He's been wrong before. I haven't.

That's right, I've seen three AI episodes in my life but I pick the winner EACH time. And after watching these two below average talents here are my final thoughts.

Katharine has a future in entertainment. She's very pretty and she has an infectious smile. I'm not sure if she's sell records, but I think she has a future in movies or on stage in musicals. She's got a lot of natural star qualities.

Taylor is Clay Aiken II. He's good not great and he will overestimate his "soul patrol" by thinking they will make him into a platinum artist. Ain't happenin' pal.

And the winner is: McPhee!

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About Us

I take the news
and drag the truth out of it.


Previously...

Since I've Been Lazy

Help Me Design My Home Office..

There Is Hope for the Future...

In the "Hey...no fucking shit Sherlock" department...

Spelling Bee on Primetime TV?

Bush: Anthem Only in English...

This or That?

On the Bright Side...

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a Meme!!

Murderer? Martyr?



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