The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Sunday, July 11, 2004

The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of..


Sex-Crazed and indecisive? Her? Nah... Posted by Hello

You know, why can't we all be as lucky as Jason Alexander? Within a 55-hour span he got married, got laid (quite a lot apparently) and got divorced...and got a free plane ride home (albeit coach).

I can't lie. At first I felt bad for the little twerp. I mean after all, he might've really liked this friend from his childhood. Then I read this:

"I wanted to make love to her and she wasn't shy in showing what she wanted. We started off in the bedroom kissing. She was good at that—she was good at everything. She was an animal in bed.

"We were both hot so I led her into the bathroom. There was a huge shower head that sent water down on to us as though it was rain. We stripped off competely and got into the shower and Britney performed oral sex on me as the water ran down over both of us."


Okay, well any feelings of sympathy are gone. So you can stop with the sob story.

"Afterwards I led her back into the bedroom. At first she was on top of me and then I was on top. We did it every way you could. But it wasn't cheap. I really cared about her and it felt right."


All right asshole, you really don't need to rub it in.

"The sex was mind-blowing and rough. We did it in every position you could think of. It was so wild we managed to fall off the bed together."


Okay I'm about to throw up.

"I was hurt that she didn't stand up and say she wanted to be married to me. Her mum kept on ringing and saying we were acting like 12-year-olds. It was horrible."


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Serves you right. Give me more of your pathetic story of how she used you during a drunken weekend in Vegas.

"Her brother rang and I spoke to him. He talked about annulment. I didn't know what the word meant so I didn't say anything."


Hmmm...

annulment -- An act of annulling. The invalidation of a marriage, as for nonconsummation, effected by means of a declaration stating that the marriage was never valid.

Sounds like you've been dropped. Tell me the kicker.

"Towards the end of the meal her brother came over with a plane ticket and said I had to go home. Britney gave me a hug and a kiss and that was it."


Oh well, I guess life just sucks.

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When It Rains...Yeah...You Know the Rest

Early Bird Gets Worm On Their Face

See Dad I Told You...

An Actor We Couldn't Refuse

The Face of a Criminal

Finally My Two Projects in Motion

Detroit Rock Champions

It's All About R-Dub

The Agony of Defeat

I Guess the Pistons Didn't Receive the Memo



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