The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Vegas Revisited: Fight Night Diary

Ahh it was nice to get back into the writing game with a couple of pieces of ink. Personally I liked my advance far more than my AM story but who's complaining.

Anyway, this was the diary I kept for fight night. It's not very funny but most of the night was boring. My run on the craps table was far more exciting.

9:00EST: HBO Pay Per View starts with a fight between Victor Burgos and Fahlan Sakkreerin at...107 pounds? Geez my sister could kick both these guys asses.<

9:14: Commotion starts as Mr. T enters the arena marking the first "celebrity" sighting of the night. T isn't wearing a shirt which is a bit odd considering the hotel temperature is about 55 degrees. However he's brought out his full assortment of gold. T has been flossing long before Jay Z.<

9:20: T is slowly climmbing up Bill Simmons' unintentional comedy scale as he's milking his celebrity for all its worth including a few photos with the military contingent here.<

9:21 Oh yeah, the fight sucks and uhhh Chris Byrd is a big fucking guy.<

9:24 Burgos gets knocked down to the response of the nine people not watching Mr. T. Speaking of which I give him credit, he's taken a picture with everyone who's brought a camera and he looks like he's having the time of his life.

9:31 Burgos knocks out Sakkereerin in the sixth round and the crowd reacts as if someone just farted.

9:34 BTW boxing crowds are so tardy they make the Oscars look punctual. As for the clinentele, it's probably a step above UFC crowds with about 20% less slutty blondes.

9:39 The second fight of the PPV card is between heavyweights Bruce "Ustabgood" Seldon and Gerald "The Jedi" Nobles. Are you kidding me? The Jedi? Is Anakin and Jar Jar Binks in his corner?

9:49 Seldon, who sold out to Emperor Palpatine before the fight, knocks Nobles down on a cheap jab.

9:58 George Wallace just walked in. No not the racist governor of Alabama but the comedian who I saw Friday night. He's sitting in the press row behind me.

10:00 A fight analysis from the guy behind me. "The Jedi Knight with the big man tits is kicking Seldon's ass." Actually I have the fight scored even through four rounds.

10:09 BTW if you ever come in close contact with a famous fighter, just refer to him as "champ" and you have a friend for life.

10:16 Nobles defends the Jedi honor and knocks Seldon out during an odd exchange in the ninth round to the disappointment of the crowd. Looks like Seldon took a dive to be honest, nonetheless he'll have to answer to Jabba the Hut later so I'm not going to worry about it.

10:21 Okay I see A.J. from BET's 106 and Park. Geez, he barely qualifies as an E-List celebrity. He's basically a half step up from an AP reporter.

10:25 Finally the crowd acknowledges the entrance of welterweight Zab Judah. I like Judah for two reasons -- he's from Brooklyn and he has a piece of jewelry he clips over his front teeth. Judah is fighting Rafeal "Derby" Pineda. No I don't know which Derby he represents so don't ask.

10:43 I have Judah up 4 rounds to none so far. But I'm biased and I'm looking for celebrities, none so far although one guy looks like Paul Mooney.

10:55 Finally the crowd cheers as Pineda slipped and kicked Judah and Judah replied with a flurry that knocked Pienada on his ass. However he survived the round.

11:12 Judah and Pineda have finally come to the end of another boring fight with only short spurts of entertainment. I've got Zudah winning 116-111. The arena will not be a sellout, coming about 500 short, which means it's standing room only in NBA terms.

11:16 On a side note I put $25 on Roy Jones winning the Main Event by decision, which paired with the $20 I won on Smarty Jones in the Preakness should give me another successful gambling night. Speaking of decisions Judah won by a split decision. Interesting. Not sure who had the bout 115-112 for Pineda but he needs to be drug tested.

11:19: BTW, you know it's Main Event time because there's an obvious buzz that's come over the crowd.

11:29: Oooers Patti LaBelle sings the national anthem...Ooof, definitely a 'C' version at best as she sang "perilous flight" instead of fight. Quite disappointing.

11:32: Yay, Magic Johnson is in attendance. Sports celebrity but celebrity nonetheless. Hmmm odd that he shows up on a night when the Lakers are playing. Maybe O.J. is here as well.

11:42: Right now, I realize that I've got a clear live view at the biggest boxing event of the spring. Life is good.

11:50: Round 1 is pretty weak. Jones landed a nice punch or two but a lot of dancing and flinching. Much like the Manute Bol-William Perry fight

11:52: HOLY SHIT...ONE FUCKING PUNCH and Tarver KILLS Superman DEAD! Boy that was shocking.

11:55: Tarver's crew (most of whom are sitting ringside next to me) rush the ring and get stopped by the...two security guards on duty. Suddenly I don't feel so safe.

12:02: Well the night is over. Definitely not a night to forget but a pretty terrible night of boxing otherwise.

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Previously...

Quick Day 2/3 Stuff

How's this for Day 1

T-minus 3 hours.

Way to Go Benicio!

My World of Reality

You Want Answers...

Friends Finale? Big Fuckin' Deal.

Ranking the Worst (The Grand Finale)

Ranking the Worst (Part 4)

Ranking the Worst (Part 3)



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