The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Thursday, May 06, 2004

Ranking the Worst (The Grand Finale)

Okay we're here!

10. Ebony and Ivory-Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder ... 1982

I'm convinced this song destroyed the seemingly improving race relations of 1982. Soonafter the government created AIDS and Crack to kill off my entire race because they just didn't want this song on the air. A little drastic? Sure, but that's the government.

9. American Life-Madonna ... 2003

Learning the power of American values from Italian born in Michigan who lives in London and parades around with a fake
British accent.

8. Party All the Time-Eddie Murphy ... 1985

Oh okay, is it bad because it's a bad song or because it's an actor singing a bad song? Scary thing is, this isn't even CLOSE to the worst Eddie Murphy song ever. That goes to the classic bust called Whatzupwitu.

7. Don't Worry, Be Happy-Bobby McFerrin ... 1988

Horrible song and it wasn't the song that a militant young teenager liked myself enjoyed. However, points for using his body for all the musical sounds. And McFerrin has turned into a very good composer.

6. The Heart of Rock & Roll-Huey Lewis and the News ... 1984

Ahhh...I liked Huey Lewis and the News...I hate to admit it, I almost feel like hanging myself, but we all have crosses to bare.

5. Ice Ice Baby-Vanilla Ice ... 1990

A pop classic. Really was this song bad? No, it was quite the opposite. Bad songs don't sell 15-20 copies of a shitty album like "To the Extreme".

4. Rollin'-Limp Bizkit ... 2000

Someone point out a GOOD Cheese Bizkit for me.

3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight-Wang Chung ... 1986

Horribly overrated 80s song. Wang Chung was one of the worst groups of the decade. I mean 80s music sucked, that's why this song was popular, plain and simple.

2. Achy Breaky Heart-Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992

Wow, where do I start with this little diddy. When I first heard this song I thought to myself "Wow another goofy, non-dancing jackass in country music." I'll put it mildly I'd rather listen to Toby Keith while hanging upside down in a pool with a cattle prod shoved up my ass than listen to this song ever again.

1. We Built This City-Starship ... 1985

Honestly this song isn't close to as bad as half the songs on this list. Not to say it isn't horrible and cheesy, it's definitely those things but it is the worst song of all time? Worst than New Kids on the Block? Nah.

That's all folks!

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About Us

I take the news
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Previously...

Ranking the Worst (Part 4)

Ranking the Worst (Part 3)

Ranking the Worst... (Part 2)

Ranking the Worst...

Here's What the NBA Needs..

It's Time...Time to Make a Change

Job Number Grows...So Does Unemployment.

Auditors to Trump: You're Broke!

P Diddy Joins XBox..

Cops Intrude On "Romantic" Moment..



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