The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Cynic Endorses...


For Florida Senate Republican Nomination: Katherine Harris (R) Longboat Key.

Yes yes, I know this goes against my every political fiber, but sometimes I have to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about what's good for the country I love.

Americans are pissed these days. We're constantly under the threat of terrorism; the economy sucks a donkey's dick; our "president" has approval ratings lower than K-Fed's first week of record sales; even Democrats turned their backs on two of their biggest allies (Jews from New England and black women from the South).

Right now we need some entertainment, something to make us smile, something to make us laugh and something to make us cry.....because we are laughing so hard.

Enter Katherine Harris.

As always with my endorsements I like to list the pros and cons to each candidate because there is no perfect politician. So on with the positives.

The Pros:

-- She's a train wreck: And I'm not talking about her makeup either. Harris has had over two dozen staffers quit her campaign, including her most recent political director, all of whom have the same comments about their departure: "She's completely batshit".

-- She's completely batshit: Ok, maybe completely batshit isn't fair, but I'm not going lower than 85%. I would describe some of her strange claims, but I'll let her speak for herself.

Harris Quote: "There may be three or four top Republicans in the boys' club that don't want me, but the people do," she said.

Fact: Not true, the people can't stand you either. Among the enemies Harris has made recently include Florida Governor Jeb Bush and Republican punditboy and former Florida Congressmen Joe Scarborough. She trails Senator Bill Nelson in the general race by a cool 30 points.


-- Friend of The Environment: This picture says so many more words than I could.

-- Doesn't Take No for an Answer: Harris will gladly accept your endorsement....even if you don't give it to her.

-- SHE'S COMPLETELY BATSHIT!!!: This is a reality show meant to happen. I wouldn't even try to edit this sumbitch down. Just leave a camera running 24/7 and the ratings will go through the roof.



The Cons:

-- Will Not Last Six Years in Office: No way, no change she could make it through a full term without being indicted for SOMETHING. There's a better chance of A-Rod getting a hit in a game that matters.

-- Will Set Female Politicians Back 200 Years: If you thought Cynthia McKinney had some problems, the ramifications of a Harris senate term would keep women off of Capitol Hill for the next two generations.

-- She's completely batshit: However, I look at this as a positive.

The bottom line is that people blame Harris for the shitty administration we have now and I say 'pashaw', it really wasn't her fault. She had no choice. She was just doing what her boss told her to do (which means she's loyal....another positive).

People say that Harris' defeat will be payback for her role in the 2000 election...I say to hell with that. Elect her, this way she'll suffer for six years!

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