The Cynic
A cynical spin on the news.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Regionalize THIS! Kerry Has South Whistling Dixie; Clark Singing the Blues

Proving twice that a northerner can attract southern voters, Sen. John Kerry won the Virginia and Tennessee primaries Tuesday over two rivals with southern roots, according to CNN projections.

Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina is projected to take second place by a comfortable margin in Virginia. Retired Gen. Wesley Clark, who was raised in Arkansas, is trailing Edwards in Virginia, according to early exit poll numbers.

Clark has alledgedly been meeting with his people to reevaluate his campaign as it has quickly died down since his win in Oklahoma last week.

Clark has also had problems drawing in younger voters after failing in a pop culture quiz by not knowing which band Justin Timberlake was part of. (He said the Beach Boys)

Clark quickly rebounded by talking about his current musical tastes.

"Right now, Madonna's Greatest Hits," said the uncool four-star General. "Oh yeah, we went over her house, and we met Madonna. We met her husband, sister and some of her friends over there."

Clark was also able to secure the endorsement of former rap star M.C. Hammer.




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About Us

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Previously...

Democrats Head South...Yes even John Kerry

Proof of Bush's "military record" Released...

Maybe He Should Call the Diet "Dead Like Me"

Secretary Gets Plum over Martha

The Queen of Motown hits the Slammer...

Fly American Airlines or Burn in the Fiery Pits of...

White House Promises 2.6M New Jobs...



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